Re-creating Orange is the New Black…

What comes to mind when you think of cement walls with shiny cream paint? Cots with plastic mattresses and knobby blankets? Shared bathrooms with yucky drains, minimal hot water and bright flickering fluorescent lights?

For some, all would be reminders of the soon-to-be released season 3 of Netflix’s original series, Orange is the New Black.

For me, it’s the description of the dorm rooms and residence I stayed at during this weekend’s National Volleyball Tournament in Calgary.

I knew we would be staying at the university residence and admittedly, it was a huge cost savings from a downtown hotel. It’s not my first time staying in a residence hotel as I’d stayed at St. FX’s equivalent when The Tall Blonde graduated last year (and it was absolutely beautiful!) The Hotel Alma at the University of Calgary looked fantastic from its website…but where we stayed was apparently one of the sites “managed” by the Hotel Alma…which could easily be used to film the next episodes of Orange is the New Black.

So we took mug shots!

Honestly, here’s where I THOUGHT we’d be resting our weary heads at the end of a long day of sitting in the gym…

And here’s where I tossed and turned all night…

Here’s what I THOUGHT the bathroom would resemble…

And here’s what we got!

Yes, those are SHARED BATHROOMS that at one point…while I was in a blazing hot shower separated by a wall with another volleyball mom on the other side in a freezing cold one…I believe I panicky yelled “THE SHOWER CURTAIN JUST TOUCHED MY BODY” then continued with a hasty rinse of conditioner before slamming off the water as she responded with a shivering laugh of…”I JUST GOT HOT WATER!”

It was a bit of a shit show.

In the end, much laughter escaped our lips, a few bottles of wine were consumed, friendships were cemented and I learned how to fashion a shiv from a comb.

In fairness to the Hotel Alma…I should have read the fine print.

Season 3 of Orange is the New Black will premiere on June 12th.