This is the story of the boy I fell in love with.
The one I can’t say no to. The one who will always have a grip on my heart.
It could be the dimple.
The smattering of freckles across his nose.
That twinkle in his eye or that wee grin that at any given moment could break into a full-fledged smile.
He can turn an angry moment into a hearty laugh with just one look. He’s always known the words to make it better. He’s wrapped me around his finger from the moment he was born.
Much as I swear I’m the one in control…everyone knows better.
He’s been impossible to parent while at the same time, he’s been every mother’s dream.
He’s messy. He leaves dishes where he used them, clothes where he took them off, hockey gear where he dropped it and when he opens a package he leaves the garbage exactly where he placed it. There are multiple pairs of socks under the chair where he watches TV and every now and then, I gather all of the wrappers that he shoves under the cushion for safe-keeping.
When he’s out with his friends and I’m worried…he checks in. When he arrives home from school…he comes into my office and asks about my day. When I’ve long gone to bed and I’m all but drifted off…I stir as he comes up the stairs, switches off the TV, places a kiss on my cheek and gently shuts the door.
I can’t even begin to fathom how much I’ll miss him as he prepares to go to university as just the thought of not having him here is almost too much to comprehend.
I’ll miss tripping over his big shoes in the front hall, picking up the stuff he’s left scattered about, having him shovel the driveway without being asked or putting out the garbage on Thursday mornings. I’ll miss searching for my car keys, wondering who ate all the cheese and asking for the music to be turned down.
I’ll miss him and his friends showing up for a lunchtime chat.
Having a cup of tea brought to me without being asked.
Stopping me in the middle of chaos so he can wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything is going to be just fine.
I’ll miss that most of all.
He is respectful, kind, gentle, funny, adventurous, hardworking, gallant, handsome, responsible, charismatic, intelligent, kind-hearted, intuitive, mischievous…and completely over-the-top infuriating at the best of times.
While I have done my best to be his mom…and while I find great comfort in the fact that I truly believe I’ve done a wonderful job…there’s a part of me that knows much as it was my job to be his parent, he has taught me far greater lessons in life than I have been able to teach him.
While he’s in a rush to move forward with his life, I want time to stand still…just so I can catch my breath. Just so I can bask in the warmth of his childhood before turning the page and opening a new and unfamiliar chapter that in reality, can only be every bit as wonderful as all of the pages that have come before.
Because this is the story…
Of the boy I fell in love with.