Queen moth-er…

She sat there peacefully… totally unaware of the trauma she was causing… just by being in the room.  Showing up.  Bringing her friends.  She didn’t know her presence caused so many others to be uncomfortable.

Me and my girlfriend Little-One, arrived home after a fun shopping adventure.  In a hurry to get to baseball… I needed to run in for a quick pee and get my sweater.  As we started up the driveway we were swarmed!!!

Gross furry organgy-brown flying freaky huge bugs around our heads.  They were the size of June bugs… and everyone knows how I feel about June bugs.

Little-One screamed.  A blood curdling scream.

We were forced to step backwards to the street and stood there appalled at the horrific scene in front of us.  At least a hundred of these freaky looking bugs were flying all around my front door… surrounding the windows… flying into the brick… panicked.  Chasing each other, dive bombing me and Little-One.  They were so huge they could almost carry her away!  No wonder she was jumping and hopping, spinning her arms, sweeping at the pestulants and screaming… no wonder.

We ran around the back of the house and snuck in the back door.  Half afraid we were going to find them inside!  Laughing like fools… and squirming with the thought of it.

There we stood, watching out the front windows as the panicked bugs were surrounding the house.  They were multiplying in front of our eyes!

Little-One immediately got her camera… she is a photographer afterall. She opens the front door to get a good shot and immediately a freakish pest headed for the gap the lens was peeking through… we managed to scream and slam the door in time… locking it to protect us from the orange beasts!

I called out the window at a neighbour to come assist us… he arrived to see what he could do… but could barely contain his laughter… he was of little to no help at all.

We were trapped.

Little-One headed out the back door to get some better shots.

I phoned a second neighbour for help… who said he’d be there promptly and I headed to the front of the house witnessing my camera wielding friend fight off the locusts with her extral large lens.  Another neighbour arrived to help… followed by the laughing one… to laugh some more.

The two helpful fellows got to work… one grabbed a rake…. one grabbed a broom!  Both began swatting madly at the little beasts trying to take over my home!

Within minutes one of them noticed a much larger beast attached to the roof over my front door… The Queen!!!  He informed us that removing the Queen… would make the others go away.

I thought for a moment… the Queen… what’s the point of getting rid of the Queen… everyone loves the Queen… all the other beasts were just protecting her… rallying around her… but it was just a passing thought before I said “kill her”… and so he did.

We took back our home.

On inspection of the beaten-dead-with-a-rake bugs… they looked like some sort of a strange moth.

Nothing is funnier than watching Prada’s husband, wielding a rake and beating vicious man eating moths!

I’ve had the heebie jeebies all day.

She’s really not dead… we put her on our laughing neighbour’s tree.

Plagues, famine, hurricanes and locusts? Enough already!

Moral of the story… it’s no fun without the Queen!

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