Pause for thought…

I think I’m suffering the beginning effects of menopause.

Admittedly I’m not waking in the middle of the night in a sweat… though it is extremely difficult to sleep lately.  I even went so far as to watch three episodes of “Gilmore Girls” in the middle of the night the other night!

I’m also not bursting into overwhelming hot flashes.  Unless you count the endless hours of sitting in the sun at the lake… melting.  It’s been pretty warm lately and I’m not too quick to jump into the lake to cool myself off.

I’m not depressed.  Though I have been listening to a lot of Sarah McLachlan this last few days.

I’m not moody.  Well… ok… I might be a bit moody!

I’m showing signs… but I’m not really sure it’s menopause.  Quite frankly, I think I’m suffering from a case of “pause-o-men”.  And there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot I can do about it at the moment except wait it out.

It’s keeping me up at night, making me panic, altering my mood!

Ever since I was quite young I’ve had someone special in my life… and even a few not-so-special for that matter!  All of this “alone” crap is rather new to me but the thing is… once I stopped fighting it… I started getting a little used to it.  Possibly even going so far as actually liking it!

I like making my own rules… cleaning when I want to clean… reading when I want to read… doing nothing when I don’t feel like doing anything.  I like leaving the dishes if I don’t feel like doing them.  Or the laundry.  Or the vacuuming.  Doing things the way I want to do them when I want to do them.   Living my own life… guilt free.  But at the same time…  I’m not the best at being alone… and I make it sound like I’m a bit of a pig… which I’m not!  I just like doing things on my own time… at my own pace.  I’ve not lived this way before… and I rather like the new freedom.

I’ve had a few girlfriends suggest they’d never get married a second time… but I don’t feel the same.  I like to think I’d marry again.  I liked being married.  Liked sharing my life.  Liked the comfort of having someone by my side… being part of someone else.  I just have to find a way to do it all again without losing who I am… and doing the things I want to do… the way I want to do them!

I’ll do it again someday… I’m sure I will.  Once I get through menopause.

Gilmore Girls is on late into the night.  Lorelai doesn’t seem to get it right with men either.

I keep a fan running all of the time in my room lately… in case I wake up in a sweat.

I really need to vacuum the house.

5 Replies to “Pause for thought…”

  1. I've got your back on the dishes, vacuuming, and ant patrol. It's the least we can do since you've given us your home.

  2. Hhhmm, now imagine if you did know a friend who did get married for a second time and it was amazing. Not that anyone jumps to mind I know, just imagine how cool your story would be if you did know such a person. Let's have a glass of wine someday…I have a great story to tell you! wink!

  3. My friends used to tell me that it would happen for me someday and I didn't believe them. I spent many years learning to live on my own and be "ME" not me and him. My cirucmstance is different than yours but it will happen when you least expect it. And sometimes, waiting for that special someone makes it all worthwhile. 1. Because we know who we are as individuals 2. He's worth the wait

    Good luck and keep doing what you're doing…enjoying life for today and getting to know YOU! Kim