Plenty of fish…

Dating sucks. Not that I know…but I can tell! So far I’m refusing to add my dating criteria to “Plenty of Fish”… even though I keep herring there’s plenty out there!

Get it…herring!

Something about sticking my picture on a dating site makes me feel a little…I don’t know…desperate?

Folks keep saying it’s the only way to do it. It’s two thousand ten. You’re not gonna meet someone in a bar. You need to put yourself out there. You can’t meet anyone hanging out on your couch. It’s been over a year now. You can’t pine away forever. Everyone’s doing it.

But I don’t know…it seems kinda…cheesy.

Maybe it’s my lack of trust in men with names like LOOKIN4U, SNAKLUVR, BEEN_BURNED, CHEKMEOUT, YOURHERO, MAKEMELAFF and NICEGUY who all seem to be looking for an attractive, fit, energetic, fun to hang out with woman offering in return a walk on the beach, candle light dinners, cuddles on the couch, romantic adventures and love!


Then there’s the multiple sailing names that send me over the edge like YOURBUOY, SAILMATE, SEAOFLOVE, WAVE2ME, KEELOVER and SAIL_HER.

Blah blah blah blah gross! Maybe that’s what my name should be if I ever get around to making myself a profile. GROSSEDOUT.

After I finally come up with a name that’s supposed to attract attention…not that the photo of me standing next to my beautiful girlfiends wouldn’t…I need to come up with a statement about myself.

“Vivacious, curvy, 30 something interested in…”

All they see is curvy. And let me tell you… at 5ft 8 and bald what are they complaining about!

Why are you all shorter than me? What happened to your hair? Is that a high school photo? Are you holding a snake? Is it possible that tux you’re wearing is from a wedding picture? Whose hand is on your shoulder? Why won’t you show your entire body? Do I know you? Are you wearing pants? And why does everyone have one of those free corona hats?

It sucks. How’s… “Hilarious, could be thinner, 40 something interested in getting off her couch, not growing into her pyjama pants, owning a pair of underwear that doesn’t have the elastic stretched out or a bra where the underwire isn’t poking through the fabric.  Enjoys a walk in the park…with someone other than her dog. Owns her own home… not that it’s any of your business. Has a few kids…that you’ll probably never meet. Drinks when the mood strikes her and periodically has hot flashes. Looking for someone who’s extremely good looking, kind and considerate of others, attentive, over six foot, has a great job, owns his own home with a pool and a weekend cottage. Preferably without a sailboat.  Definitely not married.”

Am I asking too much?

Maybe online dating isn’t for me at the moment…but if you know someone who fits my criteria…send them my way and I’ll give it a shot.

And tell him not to wear his corona hat! There’s somethin’ fishy about a guy in a straw hat!


9 Replies to “Plenty of fish…”

  1. Oh Queen! You had me in complete stitches with this one..the Corona hat! ahhahahhahahaha…has hot flashes!!!! I will laugh all day.
    thank you!
    Little One

  2. I was killing myself laughing reading this… I honestly can't remember what my name was on POF, but I do know there are A LOT of weirdos on there!! I would know, I married the one I met on there (well, technically didn't MEET him on POF, we knew each other way before that, but we re-met on POF). I do remember the very first message I got on POF…the guy was wearing a full body spandex Spiderman costume, complete with face mask. Let me tell you, it was very VERY hard for me to write back and tell him to PFO. 🙂

  3. Clever as always Colleen. If your blog doesn't eventually reel someone in your in the wrong city.

  4. You poor thing, I feel for you, just thinking of being in your position makes me feel for you!! I'm not sure how I would handle all those either. As for profile name, guess I'd go for Freckles – I'm pretty straightforward person so that would sort the non-straight guys out for me! Good luck! I'll hold thumbs the right fish will one day arrive…soon!

  5. Called you for you to hear me laugh at this blog….freaking funny Colleen, we all wallow in our own crap once in a while…depending on our situations. Could be a job, could be a mother in law, anything….but regardless, you still have your sense of humor…some don't..imagine.

  6. OK little sister, this piece of brotherly advice is pure gold. Take up fly fishing! Take a couple of lessons at a local fly shop then join an online fly fishing website and participate in some of their social and fishing events. I kid you not, in the 10 years that I have been on 3 different fly fishing websites every single woman who has joined (and I mean EVERY single woman) has met a man and either moved in or married them. None have split up so far. It's also great exercise (a top 10 as noted in Shape magazine a couple of years back).

  7. There are lots of weirdos on POF, I agree. However, I was lucky enough to meet one of the good ones. Had we not met on POF, we likely wouldn't have met at all. Glad I found him before anyone else. My name was Genuine_Gal and that's exactly who I am and it's exactly what he likes about me. So, when/if you do decide to join, be yourself, and don't waste your time on anyone who doesn't want you to be yourself.

    During my apprehensive days, I joined just to see what was out there (and there were days it scared the you-know-what out of me) but what I found was that a) sometimes it passed away a cold winter night when I was home in my pjs' b) if you chat to people without meeting them (on-line), you can get to know a lot about them and it filters out some weirdos and c) if you're cautious, safe and open-minded, there's nothing to lose!

    How you described yourself above is awesome….what's not to love? Now, to just find that elusive profile name and opening line. Perhaps you should send it out to your readers to choose for you?

    PS: I was prompted to join POF because a lady much older than me was checking it out and she ended up marrying the gent she met there! Happy fishing , whether it's on-line or 'in the produce dept' at the grocery store!

  8. @Little-One and Anonymous… so glad I could make you laugh!

    @Kat… I remember the spiderman costume! And you did snag a great one from POF… even if you did know him all those summers before!

    @LG… thanks for the kind words!

    @Pam… at the very least the wrong stream!

    @Deb… can't imagine not having humor through all of this! Or friends… friends who laugh!

    @Rob… fly fishin huh? Well… if it could snag me a guy anything like yourself I'd be one heluva lucky gal!

    @Genuine_Gal… thanks for the encouragement. Might have to steal your name!