Year two…

It’s one of those days where I’m torn between my past and future.  Anniversary’s do that and yet, marking a bad day as an anniversary hardly seems the right thing to do… but we do.

We remember negative dates… the Air India Disaster, 9/11, John Kennedy’s Assassination, the Challenger Explosion and numerous other horrible days.  Many wars and events are remembered year after year… often people recalling the very place they were when an event occurred with details lodged in our memories.  We attach emotion to such dates… forever changing who we are as there is a great desire to learn from our past in order to move us forward.

Two years ago today my entire world came to a grinding halt.  While my little date in history doesn’t compare to the multiple heinous events that have shaped our world… to me, it’s a day I will never forget.  Every detail, every moment forged in my mind… replayed in slow motion… surreal.

It took awhile for me to fully comprehend what had happened.  I was so wrapped up in the demise of my marriage that I couldn’t believe the rest of the world was moving on while something so tragic was happening.  I remember driving by Starbucks wanting to yell at the people inside that they were crazy… life had stopped… why in the hell were they drinking coffee and acting normal when everything I knew as normal was gone?

Yet life went on.

As crazy and unbelievable as things were for me… life went on.

Eventually it hurt a little less.  I started to breathe.  Stopped feeling like a failure.  Stopped blaming myself.  Started to live again.

While I hardly want to pay credence to this one day… this one event in my life… it has changed me.  With each year that passes this day… it gets better.  I continue to move forward.  I am a better person for getting through the struggles of the last two years.  I am a stronger more confident person than I have ever been.  I am thankful for the opportunity to grow as a human being as no matter how difficult that day was and how much I wish to forget it… it is the starting point to measure how much I’ve accomplished and how grateful I am for all life has given me.

I’ve spent the last two years driving forward while looking in the rearview mirror… but no longer.  I’m looking ahead.  Excited about where I’m going… and what lies before me.

Two years ago my entire world came to a grinding hault yet life went on… and finally… after two long years I can finally say… I’m enjoying the ride.

4 Replies to “Year two…”

  1. Thank you for being so transparent at a time when your instinct would be to shut down. Your words are inspiring, funny, sometimes sad, but always hopeful. Thank you!

  2. As your world exploded you managed to make it through the rubble with grace. As Wilbur's father said in Meet the Robinsons, "Keep moving forward." The moral of this movie is a quote from Walt Disney, "Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." You're doing it; you're moving forward and as each day passes, it will get easier.


  3. All of you… thanks. It's been wonderful having so much support. This blog has provided a wonderful outlet for me… even if I do keep SOME things private!!!