I can’t quite feel it at the moment as I’m happily going about my days pretending that “since I can’t smell dog crap there mustn’t be dog crap” but sadly in the next few weeks it’s gonna hit me like a ton of bricks. There’s major spring cleaning to be done around here.
It would be smart to head out into the yard while things are still frozen but I can’t bend far enough to put my socks on let alone pick up dog crap.
With the lump of snow melted from my lawn I did get inspired to pick the toboggans off the front deck yesterday and put away the Christmas tree stand that’s been sitting there since the end of December. Oh don’t get all excited for me… there’s another one out on the back deck and at the rate I’m going it’ll be flipped upside down and used as a foot stool through the barbecue season.
I’ve holiday lights that need magically come off the trees and if I were to walk around the property I’d be repulsed by the amount of garbage in the bushes and crap left lying around. I’m not sure why I leave things where I leave them or who I actually think is going to pick the stuff up as even if I poke something temporarily out of the way… low and behold it’s still there when I go back (not that when I was married it was any different but at least I had someone to nag). I need a maid like Little-One in Dubai. Dishes mysteriously washed, clothes laundered, panties folded in pretty little squares small enough to make me forget for a moment they aren’t the size of Nebraska. It’s like she has her very own magical unicorn!
In my defense, even though my yard could use a major overhaul and I’ve Christmas lights still in the trees from being iced to their branches, I don’t have a wreathe hanging on my front door!
Speaking of Prada, she came over yesterday just after I’d finished tracing my dog on a big piece of brown paper while sleeping. Ok… I was actually holding her down, trying to get her to stay as still as possible while I magic markered around her… carefully avoiding getting indelible marker on her fur. It proved to be more difficult than I’d anticipated as I was also trying not to hurt my hip so there’s three spots of blue that I’m assuming will eventually come out… pretty good considering the uncomfortable position I was forced into on the kitchen floor. Anyway, Prada was heading out on a sales call to Antigonish and nicely dropped by to ask if there was something I’d like her to deliver to the Tall Blond at university. You know… muffins, cookies, pie, a few dollars. “Yup… This” I said limping into the house to grab my masterpiece then happily passing her the large sheet of brown paper donning my half-assed attempt at tracing my fat, squirmy, un-cooperative bulldog.
“There’s something wrong with you” she plainly stated.
WHAT? Like I’d have muffins just hanging around or something!
In hindsight, that would have been a good time to tell her I didn’t have a wreathe on my front door but I chose not to as the thought of rolling up the large paper, finding a tube to place it in and mailing it to my daughter was just too much to handle. In fairness to Prada, my other neighbour… the lovely and talented singer Pam Barr, also has a wreathe on her door as does Crazy and my friend Jess… so it’s quite possible I jumped too quickly in determining that the end of January was the appropriate time to toss out the holiday greenery.
Spring is in the air! You might not smell it… but it’s on its way. There’s a bit of cleanup to do and I was wondering if I could borrow some one’s unicorn? I’d take advantage of Spring and head out to find myself a man… but I have a feeling I’d have better luck with a unicorn though come to think of it… they might make a bit of a mess in the yard as well.
Anyway… gotta run. Thought I’d lay on a piece of brown paper on the kitchen floor and trace myself for Little-One. You never know when someone might drop by asking if they can deliver a care package for you!
Hey … it was YOUR son that sold them! I'm keeping it until next year – tell him to skip me. (but I may take more coffee) -J