Bones and Spiderman are on the final countdown for Summer vacation. They know exactly how the next two days will play out… Bones with a PJ party and Movie Day on Tuesday while Spiderman heads out for a Grade Seven adventure on the Harbour Queen. Today… it’s the final presentation of her Social Studies project for my girl and locker clean out for my boy… he’s begging to stay home this afternoon but I’ve impressed upon him how I don’t agree with taking “time off for good behaviour” when the school year still continues.
In two days, my house will be filled with Art Projects, school supplies, lost clothes, tests and work filled binders… all looking for a place to be stored as God forbid I throw any of it out.
Me… I’ve a list of things to do the length of my arm. All of those trivial things we put off doing, suddenly need to get finished before the kids arrive home for Summer vacation and time disappears in beach sand and sunscreen.
My list can wait… I’m not doing any of it… for in my own mind I recognize that these two days are my very last days of being a “stay-at-home-mom” and it breaks my heart. A wee bit more than I realized until today.
While The Tall Blond had her share of me rushing in the morning to get to work, trying to organize her days, not being there for class trips and school functions, sending her to friends and neighbours when she called home sick and having to “make do” whenever she forgot her gym clothes or projects… Bones has never had a day when I wasn’t there for her… when I didn’t volunteer in the classroom when asked… when I didn’t miss a field trip… where I wasn’t there when she woke up feeling awful, or came home at lunch with a broken heart. She’s never known a day when I couldn’t put her first.
While I’m grateful for every day I had with them… things are changing. I’m heading back to school in September to begin a new life… throwing all thoughts of being a “stay at home mom” out the window… and I’m sad.
I’m well aware that this new adventure that’s ahead of me will be good for me. I know that the Graphic Design course I’ve researched and chosen to take is the perfect course for me. I believe that moving in this direction will allow me to find “me” again… to move me past this life I’d built, that I’d been quite content with, that fell apart.
Change is never easy for any of us but I think I’ve prepared my children better than I’ve prepared myself. I fear I won’t be there when they need me… and I fear they don’t need me as much as I believe they do.
So… if it’s alright with you, I’m pouring myself another cup of tea, putting my feet up, shedding a few tears and forgetting about the list of things I have to do. I’ve two more days to enjoy being a “stay-at-home-mom” where I’ll do a bit of housecleaning, catch up on some laundry, watch a few talk shows, bake a batch of my famous cookies, make lunch for my children, be there to greet them when they come home at the end of the day and hope that for one last time I’ll get a phone call from the school… that someone forgot their gym clothes.