The trouble with having too much free time is that it reminds me of the days I felt needed.  When I worried about the house being clean enough… or supper being good enough.  The days when I chased two toddlers around the house while getting a pre-teen to all of her activities as even then, I was doing it alone.

As I sit in a house that’s mostly tidy but in need of dusting while my kids are off on various summer adventures and I’ve days to fill… I can’t quite find the will to stop doing something… anything… and relax.

For fear of being useless.

I’m not really great with time to myself.  Time without feeling that there are things I need to be doing in order to fill the thoughts in my head with something other than guilt… pain… and heartache.  And yes… while I’m happy and enjoying my life in ways I never thought possible… every now and then it’s a little too much time and it seems that time is not the healer its meant to be.