I’ve told you a million times, I blog because I love to. Because I never had the chance to chase my dream of going to Carleton to study journalism. Because I was turned down by more than one publisher for a novel I tore my heart and soul out writing. Because I have a book of poetry I wrote as a teen that would cause someone to fall into a deep depression if they happened upon it. Because I have ten journals overflowing with my personal musings that I keep in a basket beside my bed.
Because I can’t stop.
Much as I know it’s not the best blog… that others can say it better, wiser, clearer, smarter… that it’s often poorly phrased, full of grammatical errors and typos despite the number of times I re-read and edit! Much as I put myself out there and people find it hard to believe that I’m supposedly “brave” enough to bare my soul… the simple fact is I do it because I love to write. I’ve found a place where I can put my thoughts in print… where I’m not turned away, where I’m not just talking to myself… where what I say matters.
There are times I think I should stop. Times I don’t write what I really feel because I can’t possibly hurt someone I love by having them read what I have to say… 87 posts in “draft” that will never see the light of day because I’m all too aware of my audience and the folks I’d never wish to disappoint… thoughts that are best left private. There are times I’m questioned for my opinions, my language and judgement… and think it might be time to stop. Times I think I’ve written the most amazing post I could possibly write and I hear nothing in return… no like, share, tweet or comment which leads me to believe it really wasn’t that great after all… until I’m stopped on the street and told that it was “the one” that meant the most.
Blogging pulled me out of the deepest, darkest, saddest time in my life and now that I’m no longer in that horrible place… I think that maybe it has run its course but for the life of me, I can’t imagine it not being a part of my life. With my busy days and return to school, I’m not able to keep up with it the way I once did and find myself often stressed that I can’t put the same amount of time and effort into it as I once did but I continue… because I can’t stop.
And today… I was told not to.
Today, I was shortlisted with the Canadian Weblog Awards as being one of the top 5 blogs in Canada (those that were nominated at least) in two of the categories I’d been nominated for and it makes me think that maybe what I have to say really is important… really isn’t so bad… really is worth saying.
And I’m humbled.
And altogether thrilled.
… and altogether thrilled.