It’s unbelievably hard to comprehend that summer is coming to an end.
In some ways, I crave the routine and schedule…the kids leaving for school while I get a bit of work done…the hockey and riding and weekly coffee dates with the girls.
In others, I can’t believe the alarm will be set in the evening only to find me repeatedly hitting the snooze button in the morning while doing math as I add nine to the time in my head…not willing to open my eyes for fear that I’m wrong.
7:30 + 9 = 7:39 is totally doable + 9 = 7:48 and getting tight + 9 = 7:57 and the rush is on.
It’s a daily battle with the clock…followed by a battle to wake the monsters from their slumber and listen to the chaos as they head out the door. Followed by the relief as I put my feet up and pour a cup of tea while planning my day and all that needs to get done…followed by the realization that I sat too long and the day is escaping my grasp once again.
Spiderman is entering High School. In my mind, he’s still too young…still just a boy…still learning to ride his two-wheeler and falling off curbs while he tests his new skills…me there to catch him and kiss his scraped knees. He’s hoping to play for the High School hockey team and I’m willing him back to making ice angels on his first day of practice at four.
The Tall Blonde is back for her final year of university and I’m astounded by the passing of time as it seems only yesterday I was taking her down for orientation…terrified of her leaving the nest. She’s counting the days until there’s an X ring on her finger…a diploma in her hand and I’m trying to stop a train that’s going far too fast for me to comprehend its movement.
Bones is facing her biggest changes at this very moment. She’s blossoming into this beautiful being. Her confidence is every bit as glorious as the smile on her face. She knows what she wants and she works her magic to make it happen. In her, I see me…and yet, she’s handling that personality far better than I ever could at her age. I know she’ll have a fabulous year and much as I anticipate her growing and maturing…I want her little baby pigtails back.
Time is a fickle thing. Summer has flown in a whirl of kid’s activities, summer holidays, time with their father and me…battling this lung thing that’s kept me in the house more than I wanted to be…watching it all pass before me begging for it all to stop…just for a moment…so I can catch this breath I have such a hard time catching.
I’m looking forward to the routine. I am. If I could just get my head around the fact that it’s all out of my control as my children are heading in different directions and I’ve my own challenges in front of me. As my former mother-in-law said, there’s a “wide open field” before me. So many things happening and changing and all I can see is the vastness of what’s ahead while trying to hold on to what’s behind.
Fall has a way of adding clarity to our days and I’m looking forward to trying to make some sort of sense of everything before me. Of knowing where I’m to be at any given moment. Of living in that moment.
Even if, I’m adding minutes in my mind…to try to slow it down.