She’s moved out a few times now.
The last four years of university…stuffing the car every September with all of her worldly possessions as we’d head down the highway for the drop off.
You’d think I’d be used to it.
But this is different.
University is over.
And the last few days, as The Tall Blonde has run her last-minute errands, loaded up the washer and dryer, rolled her clothing to fit a little extra in her luggage…I’ve been watching from the sidelines with an incredibly heavy heart.
No longer in my home.
Oh…she’ll come back to visit. In fact, she’ll be home this Christmas…but it’s different.
She’s heading back to France but not for school…for a year-long contract at a boarding school where she’ll be teaching. Like…a grown up.
She’s a grown up.
A full-fledged can’t make her little as much as I want to try…can’t find a way to turn back time…can’t squish her back in her tiny tap shoes and wee little tu-tu…grown up.
I’m trying really hard to be happy and excited about the adventure ahead…but we all remember what happened in Heathrow airport when I completely lost it. I probably didn’t tell all the details at the time but suffice it to say, I couldn’t get the sobs under control. Like…full out making a complete and utter fool of myself as my friends tried to pull me away and console me.
I wanted to hide.
And I have the same feeling now.
I know it’s all good. I’ve heard people tell me that she’ll be back…at some point she might even move back in…that nothing is permanent…I’ve heard it all. This is good for her…an amazing opportunity…a wonderful experience. It’s not like the last time…I know where she’s living…I’ve been to the town and know the people…all of it. I’ve heard it. I believe it.
But it doesn’t make this easier.
What my head knows and what my heart feels are two completely different things. At this very moment the rational is competing with the irrational…and the irrational is winning! My house…just won’t be the same.
Tonight, I’m dropping The Tall Blonde off at the airport as she heads to France for a fantastic adventure…the next phase of her life…and mine as well.