I live by myself now…and I didn’t see it coming.
I mean, I did…but not really.
I was counting down the days until my youngest daughter left but I think it was a defense mechanism of sorts. Me, trying to be ok with everything. Making it about her and the exciting chapter ahead. Not fully realizing the impact, until the first night…I was all alone.
It turns out, that in my 51 years on this earth, I’ve never lived alone. I’ve lived with my parents, roommates, boyfriend, husband, and children…and I’ve spent several of those nights by myself especially the last few years when my kids were at their father’s place, but I’ve always known that someone was coming home. That someone needed a drive. That I had a game to attend. That my schedule depended on my children’s’ needs and activities.
But now…it’s just me.
All three have moved into apartments and it’s not even like they’re away at school and will be home for long weekends, summer vacations or study breaks…they’ve left the nest. They’re establishing their own lives and creating their own futures.
It’s true…I can see them when I want for lunches, family meals or just to hang out…but everything feels different. I’m overwhelmed. I have a blank slate in front of me that needs to be filled with new routines and adventures and I’m not quite sure where to even begin.
A new path is in front of me where I’m supposed to forge ahead with this new and fabulous life that’s just for me and I have no idea what it will look like or how to even begin putting the next pieces in place.
For many, the empty nest is a time to reconnect with a partner, but as a single woman, it just feels daunting at the moment. Bigger than I’d imagined. Harder than I ever thought possible.
I’ve hit the proverbial wall…and I truly didn’t see what was obviously in front of me.
I’m not sure where to begin or how my new life will unfold but for now, I’m keeping up with my work projects, hanging out in my jammies, watching Netflix, and taking time to catch my breath…I’m possibly wallowing in my misery as I sort out my head and heart…but eventually, I’ll find my way.
There’s a huge adventure ahead that’s waiting for me…just as soon as I’m ready to take the next step.