About this post: For many years I kept a journal and then suddenly… stopped. Eventually, I found my way to blogging but more recently, I’m keeping a private journal once again. Here’s the story of how journalling led me to blog, and then back to journaling again. Do you journal?
***
Do you journal?
I have book after book filled with chronicles of “day in the life” moments through the teen years, into my twenties, and life as a mom…that all came to a halt a few months after my divorce.
These books I treasured…but suddenly, the pages were dark. I was writing and saying things that were so ugly, that I’d never want my children to happen upon…so I stopped.
It was my therapist who encouraged me to begin writing my feelings again…and when the new journal I purchased sat unused, she suggested I start a blog.
And it went downhill FAST!
Did I ever tell you about the first blog I had? The one BEFORE Curtains?
Well, I started writing…putting it out there. An anonymous blog with no identity whatsoever. No names. No location. Nothing that would ever be found by anyone I knew. Out there in cyberspace “just to write” and if someone happened to find it…maybe it would help them too.
I don’t think anyone ever read it…but it helped me. I wrote the crap that was happening with lawyers and court, about how I was feeling and what I was going through with my children as we manoeuvered our way through this uncharted and terribly sad journey.
It was therapy to release the words from my head…a way of sorting through it…of clearing my mind.
The night before my friend was moving to Dubai…one of many women I counted on to get me through the rough days, she was worried about not being there for me…not knowing what was going on daily and how she’d be able to help me from so far away while dealing with the time difference.
I told her about the blog…and she asked for the link.
It took a few days before I decided…but I missed chatting with her, missed her knowing what was going on…so one evening, sitting on my couch with a glass of wine as I finished a post, I copied and pasted the link to this secret blog in a message to my friend…and off it went.
Two days later the email arrived…cease and desist…shut it down…stop the insanity…NOW!!!
It was from my ex. He’d read the blog! Every nasty word, all the stories, all my feelings about what was happening on a daily basis through lawyer appointments, my dealings with the kids and how I felt about his betrayal…ALL READ!! Every ugly and scary word.
WTF?
Turns out…soon after I’d sent the link to my friend, my son was emailing his father a funny you-tube video he’d seen…and when he copied and pasted the link he didn’t do it properly and instead, the last thing that had been copied and pasted was now in an email…sent to my ex…from my son!!!
GAH!!!
The blog was shut down in a comedy of errors that had me hanging my head rather than holding it up as high as I could!
I didn’t write again for quite some time but I missed it terribly…missed putting words to paper and missed sending thoughts into cyberspace.
After prompts from a number of friends who’d heard about blogging…Curtains are Open was born. A place where I could tell my stories, share what was going on in my life. However, unlike the first blog, this one remained positive…as best I could. Knowing it would be seen publicly as I chose to “put it out there” and knowing that eyes were watching me…I was careful of what I said…careful of how I shared things. Mostly…very aware that y children would one day read my words and therefore, being careful about what I said was a good thing.
What I didn’t anticipate, is that by writing positively, leaving all the crap that was going on in my life off the blog…I was able to heal a bit faster while the ugly words remained unspoken…privately shared with a few close friends instead.
I still didn’t go back to journalling though…I was still afraid of what would come out and until recently, didn’t put pen to paper.
That is, until I happened upon this “Reflections and Intentions” prompted journal from Anthropologie (one of my favourite shops)…and decided to pick it up.
Rather than a full “diary-style” journal, it prompts me to reflect on my day…a quote that hit me funny…a few things that made me happy and things that are concerning me…a little drawing…a note about how I’m feeling and things that I’m grateful for to name a few.
And I love it!
I’m back to writing on paper.
Journaling is therapeutic. Writing has always been in me and the desire to tell the stories and get the words out has been there from an early age.
Curtains are Open is my happy place and while I’m thrilled to have a place to put my stories…I’m also so pleased to once again, have a place to put my more private thoughts.
Do you journal?
I do…I did, I didn’t…and I do once again.