Hey lady! Have a nice trip…

I went ass over tea kettle at the kids’ school today.

I hurt.

It’s not my ego though. I gave up worrying about that thing a while back and really don’t give two shits about it anymore. But, my knee…my finger…my shoulder…a wrist and possibly a few other things…hurt.

I was in the middle of a typical morning of answering emails when I got the dreaded phone call from the school. My boy…with a migraine.

From past experience, I have a window of about fifteen or twenty minutes to get him picked up, home and medicated before migraine hell wreaks havoc on our house.

I arrived quickly to the school and went to the office…sending my pale-faced boy to the waiting car in the no parking zone. I signed him out for the day and headed quickly out of the school…suddenly finding myself on my knees in sheer agony. As I’d opened the door to leave the school, a mat with little to no grip slipped out from beneath my swiftly moving feet and I hit the ground on both knees with the force of a Tunisian elephant.

Wrenching stuff I didn’t know I had.

The tip of my finger is bruised from getting caught in the door handle as I fell…making typing the letters “L”, “O” and periods quite dreadful. Hence no LOL’s will be written from this point forward!

My pants have a new fancy rip in the knee that I didn’t pay an exorbitant $200 for…but I should tell you that the rip is well suited and deliciously placed. Unfortunately the knee behind the glorious tear is swollen, bruised, bleeding and skinned.

I was a little harsh telling the office staff to remove the mat before someone is seriously hurt…and I appreciated the help I received from two concerned faculty members. However, there was no time to rest as the look on my boy’s freckle popped face was telling me I had to rush rather quickly before he puked in the school parking lot…wrecking his ever so fragile pre-teen ego.

I sucked it up and bolted to the car with a Quasimodo limp and a severely pained expression on my face. But oh how I wanted to sit…and shake…and cry!

He’s asleep next to me with a cold compress on his head. I’ve frozen corn on my knee and french fries on my shoulder and momentarily…I’ll place my throbbing finger beneath the hard cold corn. It’s possible I need something for my hip. Did I mention my hip? If I throw in some frozen hamburger I’ve officially figured out what we’re having for supper!

I’m in a terrible state but as I sit here I’m reminded that there’s nothing more entertaining than seeing someone’s mother go ass over kettle in front of the school doors. The students who witnessed the atrocious display will talk of it for days!


Shit that hurts.