When we’re younger…the wait takes forever. As we age, one year blends into the next…constantly astonishing us that the holidays are upon us yet again.
While the rest of the adults are shocked at how the last few weeks have flown, wondering how they’ll possibly get everything done before the big night…with the exception of a few small errands, everything I have to do is done and the wait has been long…I’ve dreaded the arrival of this day.
For the first time ever, I won’t be with my two youngest children this evening and Christmas Eve just won’t be the same. Our traditions are forever changed…all the memories and family time I’d wrapped up in one wonderful night were taken away…leaving resentment in its place.
There’s a part of me that wants to bury my head in the where-the-heck-is-our-white-Christmas snow and make it all just go away. A part of me that knows I have to make an effort for myself and my eldest. A part of me that wants it back the way it used to be. And part that wants to turn it into a new adventure…if only I could figure out how.
As much as it hurts, I remind myself of one simple fact…I have it all.
While so many people are facing such grief…for me…it’s one night…and the reality is that I have everything I could possibly desire. I’ve much to be thankful for this year. So many people in my life who’ve made my world complete and truly shown me what an amazing life I have. My brothers, my sister in-law, parents, in-laws and relatives who I’m eternally thankful for. A dog who keeps me smiling. Three amazing kids who despite everything that’s been thrown at them…are happy. Friends I can never begin to tell how grateful I am to have in my life.
It’s almost wonderful…and getting better all the time.
My kids just walked out the door in what they’ve coined “Operation Pause for the Claus.” A wee pause in our Christmas Celebrations until they arrive back home tomorrow afternoon. A lovely night at Mom and Dad’s last night where we celebrated our traditional Christmas Eve…with a new tradition of opening their “Uncle” gifts. A smile plastered on my face this morning right up to the moment they were leaving and as much as I tried…just couldn’t hold back that one lone tear. But you know…it was only one.
It’s different for all of us.
So…the two youngest head off for a great day full of new traditions and a few old family ones thrown in as well. It’s happiness for them…two Christmases…part of having a divided family that with two arrivals from Santa has got to be pretty awesome. My eldest and I will stay at my folk’s house tonight. I’ll hang out with Mom and Dad and enjoy a great breakfast before we all head back to my home to put the turkey in the oven and wait for the arrival of the two youngest and Santa’s big day.
While they’ve called it “Operation Pause for the Claus”…their celebrations will continue…ours will as well. A little different this year…a little surreal…but really there’s no need to take a pause in our celebration as we’ve far too much worth celebrating.
And so very much to be thankful for.