Since May, I’ve been an active participant in my life. The two and a half years before that, I let my life happen…going through the motions…not really wanting to take part in any of it but not having much of a choice.
I was hanging on rather than letting go and not because I wanted my marriage back…I was blatantly aware that it was over…but because I was too scared to see myself living any kind of life other than the one I’d accepted. I was deeply disappointed for myself and in myself.
I realize now that holding on, knuckle-white tight, was much harder than letting go.
As one person after the next asked me how I was, I answered with “doin’ fine”, “wonderful” or “living the dream” until low and behold…I actually was. I went from lying, to believing the lie, to no longer lying and without realizing it…I was indeed, quite wonderful.
The last few days I’ve been listening to Paul Lamb’s new CD, “Get to What’s Real.” A friend who, without realizing it, helped me release the grip I’d had on my past. I’m in awe that someone can put to song, words that for me are trapped. Listening to his music I’m slightly overwhelmed and downright nostalgic about where I’ve been…how far I’ve come and the “good people” who got me here.
After many years of writing and performing solo, with fellow musician and record producer Cory Tetford and with various bands including Signal Hill, Crush and Wreckhouse, Paul has put together a CD of his own music…songs he particularly likes…ones that have meaning to him. I know the stories behind many of the songs and the reasons that had Paul writing them in the first place, but its our own interpretations of the songs that make them all the more special. Songwriters write for themselves but if they touch the person listening, they’ve succeeded in creating something special….something truly enjoyable…and in some cases, something healing.
Every single one of us is on a journey. Life is tough. Each of us face challenges that at times are gut wrenching and painful. At some point, every one of us is curled in a ball on the floor unable to move either forward or backward…broken in two and trying to get back to the person they used to be. We’ve been disappointed…we’ve disappointed.
Through this journey, making our way through life’s twists and turns, each of us recognize our strengths and weaknesses. We see what we’re capable of, where we’ve been, how far we’ve come and how quickly we can fall again. We see how amazing life can be by facing our challenges…not letting our failures drag us down. We lose ourselves…but in time, find who we are again.
Fact is, life is wonderful…just ask Paul…better yet, just ask me!
To purchase one of Paul’s CD or for booking information, visit his website at www.paullamblive.com, email him at paullambmusic@hotmail.com, or drop by in person any Friday or Saturday evening at the Lower Deck.
Love this one and I can relate to your words. Funny how sometimes life's greatest tragedies end up be blessings in disguise.
Sounds like you did a lot of hard work to get yourself to a better place. But I'm glad to hear that Paul's music helped guide you there. It's amazing was a little pause and reflection tells us about ourselves. Thanks for a very raw post. I appreciate it.
…..or just ask me. I GET it!! ..kim