It’s possible I’m just a sentimental old fool. Or a die-hard romantic.
These Christmas Carols get me…and not in the “happy family cheerful” way but the “holy crap I wish I wasn’t single” way.
This year will mark the fourth Christmas I’ve spent as a single woman and with the turn of the New Year…it will be five years since my world came to a crashing halt. Much of what happened, and how it went down, is centered around the holidays. So, if I think about it for any length of time, maybe that’s a little bit of the problem and my hope is that someday, these memories will be replaced with happier ones.
It’s horrible to admit, but as much as I adore our traditions and time with family…there’s something about sharing the holidays with someone you love and until that happens again, I’m not entirely sure I can shake my head of some of the unhappy times. I’ve shunned off the comments from people who say “when you meet someone things will feel different,” as I really don’t believe I need a man to be happy…and yet, during the holidays, I begrudgingly have to agree.
There are certain times of the year that being single is just that little bit harder and you have to admit…the festive season was made for couples!
There are the holiday parties where you don’t have to make an excuse for your partner not being there because the reality is…you don’t have one. The holiday songs…crazy romantic…constantly reminding you of all the sentimental things that make Christmas so very special when shared with someone you love…that pull at the heart-strings just that little bit more. The jewellery commercials showing horrid baubles that you wouldn’t consider wearing under normal circumstances…now suddenly a coveted item!
The mistletoe…that hangs there mocking you.
I have said it before and can honestly tell you that my life is richer at this very moment than it’s been for a very, very long time. My children are fantastic. My parents are amazing. I have wonderful and supportive friends. I’ve a new business I’m proud of and I just published a book!
Happy, happy…joy, joy…dance, dance…I hate to complain when so much good is happening in my life…BUT HOLY CRAP I HATE BEING SINGLE!
Sure, I can put up the lights, haul in the tree, pour my own Baileys in my hot chocolate and wrap my own gifts but at the end of the day…there’s really no one special to go to the holiday party with, no one to curl up on the couch with and have a glass of wine while admiring the decorations…no one to haul to the mall to complain about the crowds and parking.
To be 100% honest…it’s easier to be single and alone during the holidays than it was to be married and lonely…but bottom line, I’m not meant to be by myself. Now, during the holidays…or in the New Year ahead. I love sharing my life with someone else…and I’d like to do that again.
So…my wish this Christmas…while everything is falling into place, while I’ve sorted out my life and I’m on a wonderful path of happiness, is to work towards that one thing I’m missing.
Maybe I’ll ask Santa if he could do that for me! Surely I’m on his nice list!
Though come to think of it…that might just be the problem!
Gah, wish I had an extra in my back pocket for you. The best thing about the ‘good ones’, they show up when you least expect them.
I had a few solo Christmasses between hubs and only had cats to keep my company… I hear ya.
I’m considering getting a few cats!
Sigh. I want to hug you. I hope Santa brings you your wish.
That’s why when I remarried, I picked a wedding date of Dec 23rd – to wipe away the pain of being alone during the holidays (was 9 of them for me!) and the sadness that surrounded this time of year. Although for different reasons, I understand your loneliness. It definitely happened for me when I least expected it and the good ones are well worth the wait!! Hang in there!!!