Sometimes, I feel like an absolute fraud!
Time and again, I hear women telling me that I “inspire” them. Believe me, I’ve contemplated this skeptically more times than you can possibly imagine…I mean, I know I made it through this divorce, I’ve been raising these great kids, I went back to school, started my own company, wrote a book and put myself totally vulnerably out there with this blog…so I get where my readers might get this idea that I can motivate them to keep on moving Full Speed Ahead when the shit hits the fan.
But holy crap I’m faking it all the time. Faking it through the last few years and still faking it now…day by day…one faked moment after the next!
I haven’t been writing lately ’cause I’ve been in this awful slump. Not very inspiring to say the least! You know the funk where your internal dialog is filling your head with all kinds of negative messages…where your shoulders are slumped and it takes every bit of energy you have just to get the things done that HAVE to get done let alone all the extras.
I thought of the people who follow my blog and I’ve been feeling the need to write and tell you all that I’m a big crap puddle at the moment…but then I thought of the other readers who happen to be design clients and I’m all “look at me…I have my shit together over here!”
I took a wee little break this week. It’s tough to even say that as honestly…I haven’t stopped. I spent about 1,436 hours driving kids from one activity to the next and another and 8,125 point 5 hours either thinking about design projects or working on them.
Thank goodness I work from home or how on earth would I get the kids here and there and everywhere in between!
We’re women! We can do it all right?
Somebody say “right!!!”
This last few weeks, the company has kind of taken on a life of its own and I’m working on five different wonderful and exciting projects. Unfortunately, it means lack of sleep and a brain that’s overflowing and in need of rest!
I didn’t write this week because I’ve been too busy…because I’m scared once again of failing, because I’m working my tail off and completely exhausted, because I’m thrilled with a few of my projects and not sure how to weigh what I write on this blog against my professional work. Because my head is spinning from one thing to the next and putting any kind of thought on paper makes me sound a little bit loony!
But not writing…doesn’t exactly work for me and my need to put a little balance in my life. Not writing…has possibly been the reason why my brain is a little muddled.
So…loony or not…break is over…what did I miss?
i think that the faking it thing comes with self-employment … i often feel like i must be fooling everyone somehow into thinking i am good at what i do, because most days i feel like everything could fall apart at any minute. but then there’s that moment when you realize that you actually know your sh*t and you revel in it for a bit before the panic sets in again. hopefully those moments will come more often for both of us! 🙂
I think that’s a big part of it Michelle! I’m still shocked that I’m pulling this whole thing off! LOL
You didn’t miss anything that can’t be “caught up” over a cup of coffee!
You *are* doing it all, btw. It is inspiring. I’m not delusional. You are like a duck. From above it looks like a lot of smooth sailing, but below the surface there is a whole lot of hyperdrive paddling going on. That’s okay. I think that’s like a lot of us.
Keep writing though… maybe the looniness is kept at bay when you let it out, bit by bit, through your writing. 😀
I like the duck analogy! And yes…I have to keep writing to release the crazies!
Thanks for always commenting Peady. You often stick a huge grin on my face. (You’re a little loony too!)
We’ll keep 🙂
If you are faking, I’m faking too…
I’m in good faking company then!
We’re all faking it. Every single one of us. We’re trying to fake it until we make it and then we make it and we fake it some more. But you? Are rocking it while faking it!
Thanks for being honest. Now, let me honestly tell you that it is okay. Take a breath. You won’t fail.
I guess I thought when I “made it”…I wouldn’t go back to faking some more! LOL Glad I’m rocking it while I’m faking it. It’s great to have the support of some amazing bloggers I’m happy to now call friends. xo
You’re the best. I bet you love me for adding a horse show to your ‘to do’ list this weekend hahahaha.
Hahahahha! There’s only a small part of me that’s a wee bit annoyed with you! LOL
We all feel like that for perods in our life. I’m feeling it now while still learning to be a realtor, but I know that my heart is in the right place and its where I’m suppose to “be”.
Keep on faking it Momma! Its a great club!!