As the leaves begin to change colour and we’re heading out of Summer and into Fall…I’ve been reflecting on the last few months and where my head has been.
You’ve probably noticed…there’s not been a lot of blogging. My personal life blew up with the passing of my best friend’s Dad, a friend group going through some difficult times, supporting my children through a few challenges, my son’s return to university and having to put my dog down to name a few of the larger things.
I use writing as an outlet and while I did write about losing Zucchini…the rest of the things never made it to the blog as some things just can’t be put into words.
My head…for these reasons and many more…has been a bit jumbled to put it mildly. I’m emotional, quick to tear up, anxious…I’m trying to put my best self forward to the world when the reality is…I’ve been a bit of a wreck!
Suffice it to say, it’s been a really hard Summer and while I’m happy to leave it behind, I know I’ll be dragging much of the emotional debris along with me.
The shining light through it all…Faith and Love.
I’m surrounded by a remarkable family, an amazing set of friends and a pretty kick-ass life. While I feel burdened and am overwhelmed by a great amount of sadness…it reminds me of just how very important these things are to me.
I feel different. Changed somehow. The things that are most important to me have been made even clearer which is weird…because I thought it was pretty clear to begin with. Both the passing of time and someone you love have a funny way of making you see things that you didn’t see the same way before.
Family remains for me, the very most important thing there is and with Thanksgiving coming, I’ve summoned my children home. I have an emotional need to be surrounded by those I hold most dear as there’s a constant nagging in my mind…a knowledge, that everything can change so quickly. But even more…it’s just that I want to be with them. While life is busy, the time you give to someone is an absolute gift. As the kids are fleeing the nest and making exciting lives of their own, I need them to remember that I’m important too. As a single mom who’s put her kids first and foremost…sometimes, I feel a little left behind. Thanksgiving is the perfect time to reel it all in and spend some quality time together.
On the flip-side of that…it’s not up to my children to make me happy. Their lives are THRILLING at the moment and I’m so excited to see each of them discover their passions. For the last number of years, work and my children have been my passion and I’ve completely wrapped myself into those two things. Now, as I find my life changing and my children needing me a little less than they did before…it can’t be just WORK that fills me. While I love my job and I’m incredibly grateful for all it provides me…I have to find another THING that makes me tick…as “work” is all I seem to be doing these days.
I’m currently searching for whatever that THING is! (All suggestions are welcome.)
Lucky for me…while I have this wonderful family filled with aunts and uncles, cousins, siblings, children and absolutely amazing and fabulous parents…I’m also blessed to have a number of groups of friends who feed my soul. My family and friends support and energize me, provide a positive and safe place to be myself. They embrace me despite all of my faults and idiosyncrasies. I need to make more time for each of them in my busy days as they are fundamental to who I am. I rely on them…much like this air I breathe. The people who surround me…make me a much better person than I am on my own.
So…as I’m unscrambling my head and trying to figure out what’s most important…it comes down to the same three things…Family, Friends and Me…BUT, not quite in that order. I’m told (by a perfectly wonderful counsellor I’ve had kicking around for a few years now), that I have to go against the way I typically do things…and move “Me” to the front of the list. Turns out, at this precise moment, I need a little extra self-care (I see a spa-date on the horizon!)
Last evening, as I sat at the supper table…just me and Meg eating chicken nuggets and fries and discussing what was going on with school and activities…she commented how she was having a bit of a tough time understanding the book she’s currently reading for English…The Great Gatsy. Ironically, it was one of my favorites and as I laid in bed last night thinking it was time to re-read the old classic and help her to understand it a bit more…one of my favourite lines from the book suddenly jumped out at me (though admittedly I had it a little wrong and had to look it up again this morning)…
“Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.”
Summer has passed and today marks a brand new season! It’s time to turn a new leaf, make a few changes, watch the leaves fall where they may and feel the crispness in the air.
Life starts all over again…right now.
Photo Credit: Lara Debruyn Photography