I have not, in any way, met my dreams and goals for how I THOUGHT my fiftieth year would look like.
And I can honestly say, I’ve been a bit disappointed with myself.
HOWEVER, rather than talk about all the things I DIDN’T do this past year and the large expectations we tend to place on ourselves for these “milestone” birthdays…making this post an entire “woe is me” rant…let’s focus on the main thing happening in my life as today, this very day, I’m celebrating turning FIFTY-ONE.
And for the last month, I’ve made myself and my health…A PRIORITY! Being the greatest gift I can give to myself, and to those who love me.
I’ve talked nauseatingly over the last year about how miserable I’ve been…between sinus infections, insomnia, menopause, hip issues, panic attacks, shingles, exhaustion and anemia…I’ve just about had the worst year of health issues that I can remember.
The moment I turned fifty, my body decided to rebel against all the wear and tear I’ve put it through. The abuse…it finally caught up with me.
Apparently…I ate one piece of cake too many!!
A few weeks ago…I dragged my sorry butt into Cornerstone Naturopathic and told Dr. Ben and Dr. Ashley my sad tale…after almost a year of working with my General Practitioner and visiting a few specialists, we were getting to the bottom of a number of things…but I needed MORE HELP. I needed an entire TEAM.
To start with…Dr. Ben put me on a SUGAR CLEANSE to rid my brain of its addiction to sugar and let me tell you…[insert every curse word here]…that was HARD (though admittedly, easier than I thought it would be!) Day One…I was super excited! Day Three…I wanted to chew my arm off. Day Five, I was horizontal on the couch with an overwhelming sense of dread. Day Seven…I was feeling pretty proud of myself.
Two weeks in…and I felt like a million bucks!
Three…and I’m EVEN BETTER.
And the fact remains…there’s MUCH MORE TO COME!
You know that meme where it says “A year from now you’ll wish you had started today”? Well the thing is, I REALLY WISH I’D STARTED THIS LAST YEAR but for whatever reason…I just wasn’t ready. With everything I’d read, everything I knew, the worries I was feeling and the concern from friends and family…none of it resonated until one day, I woke up, and decided I was done.
I needed tomorrow to feel better than the day before and every single tomorrow after that.
I know I’m going to have rough days ahead as I make healthy choices around food (do I eat birthday cake today or not?)…but the thing is…I feel ALIVE for the first time in a very, very long time.
I went to the doctor because I was miserable and have spent a good part of a year investigating a number of issues…I went to the Naturopath, because I needed to be part of the solution and knew that I needed a team to help me as I simply couldn’t do this alone. I couldn’t get out of my own way and didn’t see how I’d ever be able to crawl out of this massive hole I’d built for myself…but just three weeks in…and I see a future where I’m still in it.
My fiftieth was pretty lame (the birthday itself was pretty epic…but things went downhill soon after.) My fifty-first…will be the best year yet. WHY? Because finally, I believe that I’m important enough…special enough…to put myself first! For some reason…it just clicked.
I believe I can do it…I believe that I’m worth it…and with support and guidance, I have the tools I need to find a way to a healthier lifestyle.
I can’t wait to see how this year unfolds.
While I wish I’d started it sooner…it’s better late than never! Plus on my 52nd…I’ll be so happy I started when I did!
Happy Birthday to me!
Oh…and about the cake…well, I emailed Dr. Ben and he said this:
“Have some and really enjoy it. In all of history, celebrations revolve around food in almost all cultures around the world. If we start to have negative thought processes around food then it means we are going to avoid and not enjoy as many birthdays, Easters, Thanksgivings, Christmas, etc… Also, I’m interested in hearing how your cake tastes now that your tastebuds will have been reset.”
This is the thing I LOVE about my new and healthy lifestyle regime…it has to FIT INTO MY LIFESTYLE in a way that I don’t feel restricted. There are choices to make…and a slice of birthday cake is absolutely the right choice for today.
So YES…I can have my cake, and I’ll make sure to enjoy it too!
With support and teamwork…I’m soooo looking forward to the year ahead…and the one after that…and the one after that…and so many more.
Disclaimer: This post is part of my Brand Ambassadorship with Cornerstone Naturopathic Inc., as they’re sponsoring my wellness journey. All opinions are my own.