I sat in the parking lot yesterday making every effort to hold back the tears. I’ve said many times that this is going to be good for me…that the program I picked is the right one…but the idea of my life changing one more time and all the discomfort that goes along with getting a new routine in place…is not a pleasant one.
Regardless of my personal feelings…fear, nonacceptance and bitterness…school starts in eleven days and I simply have to get my head in the game. So, yesterday I arrived at NSCC’s Waterfront Campus and sat in the parking lot with my tea in hand. I stared across the harbour at the Purdy’s Wharf Towers where I ended my full-time IT career so many years before…feeling the resentment welling inside. I chose to be a stay-at-home mom…I loved every moment with my children and the time I had to myself…I’m not ready for it to end…and I’m so damn tired of whining about things I cannot change.
Yet, I sat there, unwilling to open the car door.
Being the social media fanatic that I am…I updated my Facebook status to say “I’m in front of NSCC. Crap! Now what?”
The messages streamed in starting with one from my cousin telling me not to panic…which I promptly did. The attack, lasting just a few moments, had me breathing through the worst of it and filling my head with as many positive things as I could come up with. The next message came from my daughter…”You got ‘dis one Momma Bear.” It caused a fresh batch of tears for the sentiment…and a resolve to pull up my “big girl panties” and do what I had to do.
I opened the car door.
The process was painless. I initially decided to make my way to the college with the idea of getting my toes a little wet…check out my new surroundings…see the building for the first time. However, on entering the front doors I was pleased to discover I could complete a number of tasks that will surely make the first day of school a great deal easier. Within minutes I had my my Student ID (I look like a scared freak), library card, computer books, parking pass and locker (I didn’t even realize there was such a thing)!
The campus itself was exquisite…and yes, even exciting.
There are a few more things I need to do like have my student loan processed and find out where this locker I’ve been assigned is located…so, I think I’ll take the kids with me next week and have another look around…get my feet a little wetter…see the campus through their eyes. Hey, you wouldn’t believe the number of kids who had their parents with them yesterday!
Last night, I logged back in and saw the rest of the incredibly supportive comments. It’s wonderful to know I’ve a group of folks behind me who are so encouraging…who believe in me…who push me when I can’t quite find the gumption to push myself! It’s a new adventure, a new beginning, a new Chapter…I’m just not sure how many new beginnings and new Chapters I can handle!
I’m fragile…you think I’m tough!
After reading the various supportive comments, I saw one from my old high school friend Bruce Cook…”Don’t let the bullies shove you in the locker!” Crap…I knew there was something I was missing!
Here’s to new beginnings…finding my new place in this world…having a ton of people behind me, supporting me…and staying out of the way of the bullies! For everyone about to face new and exciting challenges… I’m thinking of you…we’re in this together…we can do this…we’ve faced worse!
(Oh… and in case you’re wondering…that’s pretty much the speech that got me out of the panic attack in the parking lot!!!)
Stay tuned folks…this is gonna be a crazy ride!!