King sized faux pas…

There are things about being divorced that catch you off guard…like trying to figure out a name for the side of the bed you don’t sleep on!

Here’s the thing…I have this big ol’ King Sized that’s perfect for two…with room for a kid should a nightmare arise. Room for all three if there’s a thunder and lightning storm…but only if one lies across the bottom and nobody disturbs the dog!

When I found myself single, Little-One was the first to fill the void. Sleeping on the “opposite side”…half afraid to leave. In time, she did….and as months went on, I realized there was plenty of room behind me! With no need to cling to the edge of the mattress…I spread myself like a starfish…smack dab in the middle of that big ol’ King!

That is…when my kids weren’t there!

Bones, not one to let an opportunity pass her by, took up residence on multiple occasions bringing along her favorite blankets…a few stuffed toys…a sketch book and pencils…candy and snacks. After awhile, I’d gather it all up and drag it back to her room until eventually…she’d drag it all back again!

I didn’t mind.

From time to time, Spiderman found his way to the “other side”…making sure to lay on top of the covers for fear of…I don’t know…brushing against a leg? He and I watched several hockey games late into the night where we’d eventually drift off…waking to the morning’s alarm where we’d turn on the sports highlights to discover what we missed.

The Tall Blonde joined me on many nights when the “littles” were gone and it was just the two of us on a weekend night…until she’d leave in disgust of my apparent snoring! And more than once, when I returned home from a night out with friends, I’d find her and her girlfriends curled up in my bed watching a movie or giggling about the days’ events.

It was never an issue having kids share my bed until many months ago…in the middle of the night…suddenly awoken by a kid with a nightmare I mistakenly mumbled…”crawl in on Dad’s side.”

Immediately I went from nighttime sleepy to crazy wide awake as my eyes burst open in disbelief and realization of what I’d said. Bones stared at me. Unsure what to do. Dazed from her nightmare made worse by my statement she quietly…with an odd look on her face as if to console me…said “Mom, it’s not Dad’s side anymore.”

I threw back the covers and she curled herself into me. Bones…relaying her nightmare. Me…lost in my own.

That night, when she’d long past drifted off and I lay there for one more night of swirling thoughts that wouldn’t let me rest I swore I’d never…ever…refer to that side of the bed as “Dad’s side” again.

And I’d all but forgotten it even happened until a few days ago.

Down in my office, working away, The Tall Blonde bellowed from two floors above “DO WE HAVE ANY SCOTCH TAPE?” And I yelled back “THERE’S SOME IN MY BEDROOM IN THE DRAWER IN THE END TABLE ON DAAAA….”



WHAT? WHAT THE  WHAT? Did I seriously just blurt out THE PASSENGER’S SIDE OF THE BED?

Ummm hmmmmm. I did.

And while I could only imagine the look on my daughter’s face as she was upstairs and I was down…I couldn’t contain the laughter! Tears strolling from my eyes at my attempt to not say something the wrong way while saying something else…completely and totally WORSE!

There are things about divorce that catch you off guard…like not knowing what to call the side of the bed you don’t sleep on…laughing your butt off when you no longer care…and realizing that from this point forward, “that side”, will forever be referred to as the “passenger’s side of the bed.”


Drop in to see Kelly at Encore Decor. She’ll show you exactly what to do with your king sized bed…and your windows…and your walls! In fact, there’s much I could learn from her. I’m so, so lucky to have her in my deep pocket, egyptian cotton, fitted-sheet corner.