I’ve one Chapter left.
A chapter where I’m unsure if, after finishing, I’ll be the same.
This weekend, Fancy and I traded a few books and I posted a photo on my Facebook Page, asking which one I should start with.
It was pretty much unanimous…”Still Alice” seemed to be a favourite, however, it was my author friend Alison, with her comment of “it was tough but terrific,” that made me realize it wasn’t going to be “light and fluffy.”
So here I am…a dozen or more pages to go…and…well…remember on the show Friends? When Joey was scared of the book “Little Women” and hid it in the freezer? Remember when he finally started to read it and discovered Beth was sick and then this happened…
Never before has it ever happened when reading a book…never before have I felt this amount of discomfort…never before have I wanted the book to “go away.”
Until today, I’ve never wanted to hide a book in the freezer.
I’ve learned much from Lisa Genova’s “Still Alice.” Much about Alzheimers Disease and those living with it. I’ve been put inside Alice’s head and felt her frustrations. It’s beautifully written with poignant moments…terrifying, heartbreaking…full of life and love. I’ve been amazed at how descriptive the author has been about this horrific disease to the point that I can “feel” Alice. I’m “in” Alice.
I’ve laughed. I’ve cried. I’ve curled my toes as ideas have formed…as I’ve realized, before Alice has, that it’s all going wrong. I’ve slammed the book closed more than once…to catch my breath.
Tonight…when my kids are in bed…when riding is over and I’m home from the rink…when they’re long asleep and I’m tucked into bed…I’ll finish.
Where, in the quiet of my room…I can face the panic that I feel is coming. Where I can taste the profound sadness and deep understanding that I know will hit me. Where I can take the time I need to fully absorb what’s unfolding…words on the pages that are stuck in my throat.
Either that…or I’ll hide it in the freezer.