For fear I’ll burst…

It was the graduation cards that finally sent me over the edge.

As I stood in the store reading one sentiment after the next…trying to find the words that described how I felt about The Tall Blonde as we’re heading into “graduation weekend”…knowing all the ups and downs…all the struggles it took to get everything done and come out on top…it was the shock of seeing what I wanted to say, laid out in printed form on the paper before me, that threw me for a loop.

I heard the sound before I felt the tears on my cheeks…a cross between a Pterodactyl and a Walrus…at first, high-pitched, then roaring an echo throughout me.

The sudden movement of the woman beside me broke the sound as I stood there…unable to breathe…her, quite possibly terrified, not knowing whether to perform a medical procedure or to hold me!

“My daughter’s graduating this weekend,” I managed to choke out.

“Congratulations,” she heartily responded…then handed me a lipstick-stained tissue from her pocket as we chuckled through the uncomfortable moment.

To be honest, the crying started mid-morning. A text from one of the Moms at Nationals…in Quebec with my youngest’s U14 volleyball team…stated, “Bones is back baby!!!!”

I could hear her yelling it…using the nickname to perfection and cheering my daughter on…knowing how miserable she’d been the weekend before. A stomach flu that had her in bed for days…struggling through Provincials…playing at less than fifty percent of what she’s capable of playing and feeling determined, exhausted and defeated…so much better with another week of rest behind her.

I received updates from each set…each game…each win and loss. My friend, knowing how much I want to be there to support Bones and her teammates, doing her very best to keep me in the loop…making me feel like I was part of it.

While cheering from my couch at home.

At the moment, I’m in one of those “spinny phases” where life is moving a little faster than I can keep up. It’s full speed ahead while I’m racing behind…trying to be there for everything…not miss those amazing moments…hold it all together without having a breakdown in the card aisle of the local drugstore.

This weekend, The Tall Blonde graduates. While I’m missing out on an exciting weekend of volleyball…I’ll be happily, nervously, twitching in my seat at the auditorium at St. FX…unable to sit still for fear of bursting wide open as my wonderful girl walks across the stage to receive her degree.

I’m prouder than proud and trying my best to keep it together…to not embarrass my daughter with my tears that surely won’t stay in.

And now, rather terrified that along with the tears of joy, pride and happiness…a noise may inadvertently, recklessly and suddenly…escape my chest.

Sounding like a cross between a highly-excited Pterodactyl…and an extremely proud, overjoyed, enthusiastic Walrus.

9 Replies to “For fear I’ll burst…”

  1. Congratulations to your Tall Blonde on her University Graduation! That’s fabulous!

    I love that your friend would text you such a perfect message about Bones. That is true friendship!

    You are all having a BIG week!

    Any wonder you are “Sounding like a cross between a highly-excited Pterodactyl…and an extremely proud, overjoyed, enthusiastic Walrus.”! 😀

    • Thanks hon! It’s been a big week for sure! Watching my kids grow up is wonderful and scary and fantastic. Such a range of emotions!!!

      • It’s a roller coaster, for sure!

        At every age and stage. No break. Ever. 😀

        Awful and awesome – all at once! 😉

  2. It might be quieter if you just let the tears flow…you’ve earned them. Super proud mama moment! Congratulations to the Tall Blonde, who just yesterday was correcting us that she was “strawberry blonde”!! Where’d the years go?! Congratulations to you!

    • I think you might be right Tammy! The problem is, every time I go to tear up, one of the kids looks at me and is all “oh come on mom!” I swear, they’ll appreciate the few lone tears to the sound that may escape if I keep holding them in!

      And yes, hard to believe it was just a short while ago she was correcting us on the color of her hair!!!


  3. Soooooo proud of daughter and Mom. Love you (I say with tears running down my cheeks!! )